I just got back from a holiday to Portugal. It was beautiful. Too beautiful.
Along with the beautiful sea, the beautiful sun and the beautiful location there were so many beautiful people there that it made me quite uncomfortable. Back here in Britain the sea is a sewer, the sun is a memory and the average member of the public looks like an experimental pastry.
In order to cope with the ugliness withdrawal I was forced to draw ugly people to remain sane.
In actual fact I came up with absurd names first and decided to sketch the character to match the names. I thoroughly recommend it as an artistic exercise!
This chap is called Roy LLewellyn-Wopp. He owns a 40 acre estate in the south of England which he shares with his wife Fanny Crevice Llewellyn-Wopp. Roy is a fan of heavy drinking and racial abuse, and since the fox hunting ban likes to invite ethnic minorities and poor people into his estate then chase them out again on horseback.
This fine example of an English woman is Ms Mandy Backsnaff. Mandy is an unemployed former world-series chess champion from the northern town of Sphincter-upon-Sea. She likes milkshake and listening in on other people’s conversations. Despite the fact she talks at a speed of only twenty syllables a minute Mandy is reputed to have an IQ of 194.
This portrait is of the famed detective Socrates Jones. Mr Jones is a world class detective specialising in solving crimes that other detectives simply can’t handle. He’s mainly hired to investigate the theft of stationary from medium sized businesses. As with many well known genii Socrates has a few peculiar perks specific to his character; such as hoarding cauliflower in his home and sniffing small animals against their will.
This final image is of the Welsh-Born international superstar Susan Barnacles. Famed for her stunning looks and moderate singing ability Susan Barnacles sprung to fame on the popular TV show Britain’s quite Shallow.